He cares too little and he cares too much
by SasuNaruForever17
Summary: In which Rin likes sucking cock but he won't fuck anyone. That is, except Sousuke.


A/N: Warnings for: Rin sucking a lot of strangers dicks, and one _older_ guy. But there is sweet sweet SouRin love-making at the end, so don't fear.

* * *

><p>Rin lets a finger run along the condensation on the beer glass in front of him. His now wet fingers move to the polished but scuffed dark wood of the bar counter, rubbing the water off, leaving behind trails that catch the low florescent light from behind the bar.<p>

This is only his third drink of the night and he isn't drunk. Since moving to Australia after graduation he's been going out regularly. Usually he's a club goer, even if he doesn't exactly enjoy it, but tonight is different. He has a race this weekend and Sousuke is _supposed_ to come and watch. Sousuke can't make it, though. Sousuke has some job interview. And while that's great news, Rin really wants Sousuke to be there for him this time.

It isn't just this race. Sousuke had _promised_ him that he was going to visit soon. And soon turned into weeks, and then months, and now it's going on almost a year and all they've been able to do is call and text and skype-video. He likes those simple things, but he misses actually physically being able to see Sousuke.

Rin picks up the beer and drains it in several long swallows. He sets it down with a dull thud and gives the empty glass a flick that ends up making him even angrier. And he's not just angry; he's a little bit hurt and mainly just plain sad. He wouldn't say depressed, although it is getting quite lonely without his best friend around.

Sure, he could _make_ more friends. There are plenty of other swimmers he talks to and amusing people he meets up with at clubs. None of them are like Sousuke, though. And none of them swim like Haru swims, to give him the rivalry he craves.

Someone pulls out the chair next to him and sits. Rin is too distracted to care. Except he's purposely sitting on the far end of the counter and there aren't many people in this particular bar at one thirty a.m. on a Thursday morning, so he gives a glance through his bangs at the person.

It's a man, but with the dim lighting he can't make out much of what he looks like, other than that his hair slicked back from his forehead and he has stubble on his chin. He's quite handsome, Rin thinks. The man catches his eyes and smiles warmly.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asks. Rin just nods, sitting up straighter. The bartender comes over to them and Rin does his best to look interested. He knows this game. It's a game he plays almost every damn day, either at the pool or on the streets or in a restaurant.

Although, he can't remember when it started. Perhaps because of Sousuke's absence and being on his own in Australia it has helped break down his shield. He finally moved out of his homestay parent's house once he came back after high school and is now living in his own cheap apartment by himself. He's had a few guests over, however not for the reason any gutter-minded person would think.

Sure, he's acquired a taste for cock and it's resulted in a sort of blowjob-hobby, but that by no means makes him a 'slut' or 'loose'. Rin prides himself on still being a virgin (some would say that sucking dick means he's lost the right to have that label) and it's going to sound like some cliché shit: he's saving himself for someone. Not just anyone, of course-

A new drink is placed in front of him and it looks like whiskey. Rin takes a sip of it and it is indeed whiskey. He finds the man looking at him, elbow on the counter, head resting on a fist comfortably. Rin blinks slowly from over the top of the glass in his hand.

"I'm Chris, by the way."

Rin accepts this with a nod and puts down the now almost empty glass. "Rin," is all he offers.

"You look upset." Does he? Rin lets show a smile that's been called 'flirty' by past hook-ups. He brushes some of his hair behind his ear. Now that he can see Chris properly, he looks somewhat familiar. Maybe Rin's partied with him before? It's possible.

"It's nothing," Rin says, and he tries to mean it. He doesn't want to think about Sousuke right now. He never thinks about Sousuke when he's with someone. Only afterwards, sometimes.

"Alright." Chris slides a hand onto Rin's knee under the counter. He feels just how big the hand is through his jeans and suppresses a shiver that tries to skirt down his spine. He finishes the kindly bought drink before turning in the swivel bar stood and touching down on the floor.

Making sure to keep eye contact for as long as he can, Rin walks to the bathroom. He has to look ahead for the door and when he does so he hears Chris' footsteps start up behind him. Rin smirks and pushes open the door.

No one is inside the two stall room. Rin quickly gives his face a once over in the smudged mirror. He looks good enough. There's only one yellow overhead bulb in the bathroom anyways, so it's not like it matters much.

Rin watches as the door swings open. Chris steps in and Rin notices just how tall he is. His shoulders remind him of Sousuke and Rin has to look at the man's face to dispel the thoughts of his friend. Chris is much more attractive under this light, his hair dark blond and jawline stronger.

Wasting no more time, Rin picks the last stall and Chris is close behind him. It's a snug fit, but it'll have to do. Rin pushes the door shut and the sound of the lock being turned echoes nicely.

Rin is thankful for his jeans as he drops to his knees. He knows the floor has to be filthy but he can't be bothered to care, not when he's eager. Rin undoes the belt and starts to work on the button and zipper but Chris brings a hand down and covers his own. Rin raises an eyebrow.

"Not even going to kiss me first?" is the question.

Rin wants to scoff at that. The only way he is going to kiss some random dude is if he's too drunk to remember his own name. Or high. Either work but _not_ when he's only tipsy. Not that he's fully against a good make-out, but he isn't in the mood right now.

"I don't do that," Rin says curtly, smacking Chris' hands away and resuming the unfastening of the trousers in front of him. He hears Chris give an amused huff.

"If you say so."

With a tug, the man's own jeans are pulled part way down his thighs. There's already a sizeable bulge in his briefs and Rin dips his fingers into the elastic band. He brings it down gradually. Rin's dealt with bigger, but it'll do. A cock is a cock and he doesn't turn one down.

Maybe he's become addicted to weight of it in is hand, Rin thinks as he starts with dragging his fingers over it lightly, feeling how warm it is. Chris is looking down at him, face gone expressionless and Rin doesn't care. When he's on his knees he only cares about one thing.

He lets his fingers tighten and work, the dryness of his hand against the gradually hardening cock is always something he enjoys. And maybe he likes watching how the foreskin pulls back and how it looks almost the same color as a peach under this light. Rin doesn't think too much more on that.

Maybe it's the way the soft head feels on his lips, and really, this is the kind of kiss he prefers. If it isn't Sousuke, he doesn't-

Rin uses a free hand to pinch his own thigh as hard as he can. No, he isn't supposed to think of Sousuke. He's never done that, so why now? Rin opens his mouth as wide as he can and takes Chris' cock in, tongue running underneath. It's a tough fit, Rin realizes. His jaw already hurts but he's not going to give up.

A hand tangles in his hair and tightens. Rin wants to push it away but he lets it be. This guy obvious likes to get touchy. If he had been completely sober, Rin would have voiced his opinion on the matter.

Still, Rin likes the tug on his hair, likes how it almost boarders on being painful. He pulls back and then comes forward again, able to take almost every inch in. What it lacks in length it makes up for in girth. Rin swallows and the hand in his hair tightens.

He's expecting Chris is make a noise of some sort, since most of the people he's blown are impressed by his near perfected skill. But Chris is quiet. It pisses Rin off.

Pulling all the way off, Rin focuses completely on the head, wrapping his lips around it firmly and sucking, hand back to sliding over the rest. That seems to do something. Chris' head smacks into the stall with a metallic thump. His hips twitch forward and Rin shoves his tongue into the slit, probably a little too harshly but it doesn't appear to have any negative effects. Chris instead lets out a low groan. Rin wants to smirk but cannot.

Surprisingly, it only takes a couple more minutes of hard sucking and a few well timed licks before Chris warns him of what's to happen. Rin _usually_ enjoys getting well-aimed facials, but opts to just let the man come in his mouth. He lets the slickness slide across his tongue and then down his throat before moving off, working his jaw back and forth. It feels nice.

Rin waits for Chris to tuck himself back in and pull up his jeans before standing. Rin unlocks the door and goes to the sink, giving his hands a speedy rinse. He grabs a paper towel and dries them, Chris looking a bit hesitant in front of the stall. Rin doesn't have time for the man to make up his mind on what he wants to say, so he leaves. He's getting pretty tired.

* * *

><p>It's two weeks later and Rin is on the bus, heading home after a late night of practice. He sits in the last seat at the very back, phone screen too bright as he texts Sousuke. Rin asks when Sousuke is going to come visit. He isn't <em>begging, <em>although it probably seems like it. Rin would much rather call and actually talk to his friend, but Sousuke texts him that he's going to bed since he has to wake up early, ignoring his question.

Fuck him, it's only eleven. Rin had been lucky to catch the last bus and it is forty-five minutes to his apartment. He wants to have some sort of distraction, and talking to Sousuke would have been great.

But no, it's all goodnights from Sousuke and Rin pockets his phone. He frowns at the window, watching the streetlights flash by. It's dark and somewhat relaxing, being on a bus this late. It reminds him of when he was in high school and he'd be with his teammates coming back from a competition. Everyone would be worn out and there'd be some overplayed pop song droning through the radio speakers and Rin would feel a certain contentment.

He's alone, though. That is, until the bus comes to a stop and lets on a passenger. Rin watches as a man gets on, putting some money into the till at the front before turning and spotting him. Rin stares at him, noticing that his shoulders are quite broad. It reminds him of Sousuke.

The man makes his way down the aisle until he's at the very back. The bus shifts into gear and he has to grab onto the top of a seat to steady himself.

"Can I sit next to you?" he asks. Rin wants to roll his eyes but he just puts his bag on the floor and moves closer to the window. It's been confirmed, then, him allowing this. He could have said no and that would have been the end of it. But where's the fun in that? Giving head on a bus… it's going to be something new.

The man smiles at him and Rin sees it dimly before the streetlights roll over and illuminate his face for rhythmic passing seconds. He's not that attractive, Rin thinks, but it doesn't matter much to him. The guy looks a bit older, possibly in his late twenties. Lots of men years older frequently hit on him.

Rin knows there isn't all that much time until his stop. He boldly palms the front of the man's sweats, lips quirking in a grin. The man lets him, spreading his legs, a knee knocking into Rin's.

"You move fast," is the quiet observation. Rin doesn't respond, only presses his hand down harder. "Don't even want to know my name?"

Why do all these guys think he cares about names? Rin would very well like to tell this stranger to shut up, but the cock getting hard under his hand is distracting.

"What is it?" Rin attempts to keep his voice light, seemingly interested. The man leans against him, their arms together and he feels the muscles there. His sister may think she's a muscle expert but she's got nothing on Rin.

"Ian," he says, and Rin's heard that name before. Of course he has. He's pretty sure he's heard more of these names than ones in his own mother tongue. English is fine enough; he's been getting better at it, after all. Just like this hobby of his.

Rin doesn't offer his own in response, just worms a hand into the pants and brings out the hard cock. Under passing lights it looks almost funny. Rin _feels_ funny, doing this. He glances towards the driver but the old man is focused on the road. Still, it probably looks weird, two men sitting in the back of a bus, quite close together.

He doesn't care.

Rin bows his head, straining his back but he can't help it, there isn't enough room in the seat. There's that familiar grip on his head and to show his appreciation he laps underneath in one long swipe, mouth filling annoyingly with saliva. Of course he's keen for it. Especially Ian's cock, which smells like chlorine. The guy must swim. It has him thinking about Sousuke and so Rin stuffs his mouth and throat with cock, possibly coming off as much too enthusiastic.

Ian isn't bothered by this fact at all. He pushes at Rin's head and thrusts his hips, bumps in the road aiding him. Rin doesn't even gag when the head brushes against his uvula. He's had too many dicks down his throat, gotten too used to the feeling for it to matter. Rin hums as loud as he dares and Ian lets out a curse.

Maybe he should start charging. He could make a whole lot of money. But Rin is no prostitute. He just likes doing this. Even though the prospect of more money in his life is a strong pull. Think of all the things he could buy with that extra cash.

Rin pulls back all the way, drawing in breaths. A glance at the driver shows that nothing has changed. He wonders what time it is.

Ian pushes at his head, signaling him to continue. Rin would like to say that he does _not_ enjoy being rushed, so he gives his hand a lick and proceeds to jerk the man off. But he had enjoyed the heat in his mouth, so he goes back down again, tongue tracing meaningless patterns along the sides in replace of his hand.

"My stop is soon," Ian informs him. Rin tilts his head and looks up at him. "Do you want to come over?"

No, Rin would _not_ like to come over. He's been asked that countless times and the answer is always the same. Even smashed, even high as fuck, he's made a promise to himself that he doesn't intend to break.

"I'm busy tonight," Rin says before going back to the task at hand. He does a favorite of his and bobs his head, trying to meet the dips in the road as the bus bounces over them as best he can. A particularly deep pothole they go over has Ian's cock sliding accidently over Rin's teeth. And it must be something good because there's cum in his mouth a moment later.

Rin is going to say something nasty about how he didn't even _ask_ but the bus is pulling to a stop. Ian stuffs his cock quickly into his pants and gives Rin a bright smile before he's walking the aisle and then out the door.

A look at his phone says he'll be home in ten minutes. Rin takes out his water bottle and washes the taste away as best he can.

* * *

><p>He's never told Sousuke what he does. The dick sucking, that is. He wants to. Rin would like nothing more than to just call up Sousuke and say, "Hey, I've been sucking a lot of strangers' cocks lately. I've gotten quite good at it." But what would Sousuke even reply with? Probably some sort of mild disgust. Or maybe he'd be okay with it. Rin's a big boy now, he can do what he wants.<p>

Except he can't _do what he wants._ What he wants is in Japan, probably in Tokyo or Kyoto or some other damn place that's much too far away, doing god knows what because Sousuke _still_ won't give him an exact answer.

Rin takes a deep, even breath in, then out. He adjusts his cap and goggles, snapping the band unconsciously. He bends forward, hands gripping the starting block, eyes ahead, waiting for the clock's second hand to tick evenly towards the twelve. Once it hits, he launches himself into the water.

He can't think about Sousuke right now, not when he's swimming. It'll throw him off. Now that he's training to be a professional he seriously can't let anything get in his way, including thoughts about his friend.

Rin turns once at the other end of the pool and swims back, arms rotating in butterfly and even that makes him think of Sousuke, dammit.

Once he touches the block and checks his time, Rin pulls himself out of the water. He's about to step back up and go again but one of the pool's regulars, Steve, is waving at him and walking over. Rin brings his goggles down and waits.

"That was a good run, mate," Steve tells him with a grin, hand giving him a good clap on his upper arm.

"Thanks," Rin says. Steve is someone whose dick he's possibly sucked the most. Usually he doesn't like going back for seconds or thirds, but he likes Steve. The man is really into him. He'd only even wanted head, at least. It's something Rin can get behind.

Rin stands still, water sliding off him and dripping onto the floor. Steve runs a hand through his shaggy hair and Rin removes his swim cap. Steve gives a look around the empty pool house and points a thumb over his shoulder and turns, walking towards the changing room.

He's done swimming anyways. Rin follows after, walking through the heavy door being held open for him. Rin throws his goggles and cap onto the bench and then there are arms wrapping around his torso and a chest to his back. Steve is bigger than Rin, and Rin will never say it out loud but he likes men who are larger than him, ones who have the strength to hold him down, like he wishes a certain someone he knows would.

"You're sexy," are the words next to his ear, quiet, even though Rin knows there's no one left on this Tuesday night to hear them. He's heard the same variation countless times before and he knows it's part of a ploy.

Steve lets go of Rin's chest and instead grabs onto his hips, pinkies dipping past the top of his wet jammers. Rin purposefully pushes his ass back, being a tease because he knows the man likes it. There's a light kiss placed to the side of his neck. Rin allows it because he's allowed it before.

The hands on his waist try to bring down his jammers but Rin stops them. "I can't," he says, and it sounds rehearsed, to Rin, to his own ears. Maybe because he has said it so many times.

"Can I ask why?" and of course he _can_ but it doesn't mean he _should_. Rin hates explaining it. He's cut it down to three words. Sure, he can lie about it, say he doesn't bottom, say he isn't into it, but he can't do that. Can't just tell each guy who wants to fuck him some made up story.

"I'm saving it," is all Rin says. He's past feeling embarrassed. The first time he'd told someone, he'd been quite literally laughed at. It doesn't bother him much. He doesn't care. Even if sex isn't special to anyone else, it is to him.

"That's cute," Steve says and it sounds like he means it, like it's actually something he finds endearing. Rin is okay with this. It's one of the better replies and he's received.

Rin turns around and kneels, cold of the concrete only a slight irritation. He goes for Steve's shorts but the man hooks a hand under his chin and makes him look up.

"You don't have to," he says, and Rin knows this. And maybe right now he isn't feeling up for it one hundred percent, but he feels a need to do _something_. He doesn't want to go home right now and think about Sousuke. Fucking stupid, inconsiderate Sousuke.

"I want to," Rin replies, the age old overused exchange ringing lamely in his head. And so he does, sliding the shorts out of the way and sucking a cock he's fairly acquainted with. When it's over, Steve is kind enough to move back and finish in his own hand, but he still leaves Rin alone afterwards.

Maybe he's starting to get bored with this. Rin clicks his tongue and heads to the showers.

* * *

><p>Rin jogs to stay keep himself fit, but it also gives him a chance to listen to music and just <em>forget.<em> Of course, the things he wants to forget most of the time come back to plague him, but it's at least an attempt.

It's late afternoon, with the sun lowering gradually and in one of its most irritating positions at six p.m. He wouldn't normally be out right now, however it's a rare cool day, a break from the onslaught of heat they'd been experiencing lately. The streets are practically empty, giving him a good amount of space. Although, he is heading towards the park so the uncrowded streets don't matter much to him.

He waits for the light signal and then crosses the road, earbuds giving him a quick beat to work with. He likes to jog with the music, footsteps on the pavement lost to the sound pulsing in his ears. The park is just up ahead.

The path curves left and Rin follows it, freshly mowed slopes of grass appearing on either side of him. The lamps are not yet on. There's enough sunlight left for him to jog through the park and back without any visibility issues.

He passes by the small concrete restroom building. Around it there's a bench with someone sitting on it, reading what looks to be a newspaper. Rin can't make out who it is, but he'll find out soon enough. The path goes directly next to it.

The closer Rin gets, the more he's able to tell who the person is, or so he thinks. He's spent quite a lot of time in Australia to now know most of the popular people in media. This guy is older, _much_ older. Pretty ancient looking, Rin thinks as he slows his jog to a brisk walk. The music is still playing but he barely hears it.

Ancient is an exaggeration of course. The guy_ is_ older than him by many years, though. He stops in front of the man, who looks up at him. Rin holds his look, not exactly sure why he even stopped. He brings up a hand and yanks out his ear phones before shoving them into his pocket. As coolly as he can, Rin sits down in the free spot on the bench. He tightens his low pony tail as a distraction.

The man gives him a quick side glance. Rin catches it and grins.

"You're that radio guy," Rin says. He's totally seen this guy's face a few times before but can't for the life of him remember his name. He wonders why he's even trying to make conversation with some semi-well known old man in the first place.

The man puts on a smug look and closes his paper. He takes his time in folding it correctly and then sets it to the side. He turns to Rin.

"And you're Japanese," he says, as if he's just stated something really witty. Rin isn't impressed.

"I might be." Rin shoves his hands into his pockets and sits back, looking up at the blue-gray sky. A plane is flying overhead and he suddenly wants to call Sousuke. Call him and say he fucking _misses_ him and if he doesn't visit soon, he's going to fly back to Japan.

"You're a funny one," the man says with a hoarse laugh and it brings Rin out of his thoughts. He tilts his head, letting his bangs fall over his eyes before he breathes out, scattering them up and away. He thinks he remembers this guy's name.

"Are you Alan J-"

"Shh!" the man cuts in and frantically looks around, as if he's expecting someone to be spying on them. Rin waits, not all too happy about being interrupted. "I never know when a fan is sneaking about. Or the press." This does not impress Rin because he doesn't believe the old man has fans who would be willing to run around after him.

Rin guesses that this is mildly entertaining. Will he go down on some old guy, though? It seems a bit out of his league, but there's not a lot he isn't willing to try. Maybe this is a new low for him. What would Sousuke think?

No, Rin isn't going to think about what opinions Sousuke might have on the matter. Sousuke is too busy to visit him, so Rin isn't even going to bother wasting his time with thoughts of his friend.

Putting on his most pleasant face, Rin slinks out a hand and rests it on the man's thigh. This earns him a curious eyebrow raise in return.

"How old are you?" is the question, one Rin half expected.

"How old do you want me to be?" he replies, resisting rolling his eyes as the man laughs again. Rin lets his hand come up a bit further and that shuts the old guy up.

"I'm not exactly into boys-"

"I'm twenty-one," Rin takes his turn to interrupt. He purposefully leans in closer, shoulder coming in contact with the man and he can smell cigarettes and aftershave. It isn't unappealing but really, what is he doing? Maybe this is some sort of sick new goal he's set for himself. Seduce an old man, suck his dick, and then check that off the list of crazy things he's done.

Rin is about to make a grab for said dick but the man abruptly stands. "Let's take this somewhere less public," he says, and starts to walk towards the bathrooms Rin had jogged by earlier. He goes along, feeling a sense of wrongness that he ignored. The paper is left alone on the bench.

These bathroom is decent, Rin thinks as they enter the men's side. There's two urinals against the right wall, a sink, and one stall. The light is low, a few moths batting at the bulb that hangs freely from the ceiling. The cement floor appears to be clean, a little slippery from condensation. It'll do.

He doesn't exactly want to try to cram into the stall with this guy, so Rin steps around in front of the man and quickly lowers himself, face in front of his crotch. So what if they're in the middle of the room. He highly doubts anyone is going to be coming in here at this time of night.

The man doesn't seem bothered by this. He lets a clunky hand fall onto Rin's head and plays with his hair, reaching farther back and pulling out the tie. He hums and Rin goes for the man's tan slacks, pushing the button through the hole, zipper coming down on its own.

Rin doesn't let the pants down very far, just enough to be able to peel the underwear down next. Having to see some old guy's semi-hard cock isn't exactly the most arousing thing in the world. Rin curls his hand around it, determined to get it fully hard as soon as possible. He's sure that once it is it'll look more presentable, even if it's on the small side. Will his cock shrink when he gets old? Rin bites his lip to hold back a laugh. The old man mistakes this as interest.

"You want it?" he asks and Rin lets his hand slow. At least this guy doesn't have problems getting it up fast. He doesn't answer the porn-esque question, deeming himself above such things. Even if he is really going through with this.

He takes in a breath before flicking out his tongue, swiping it over the head. He does it a few more times, drawing a rough moan from the man. Rin wonders how long he'll last. Has he done stuff like this before? Rin opens his mouth and takes the cock in. No matter whose cock it is, he still likes how it feels on his tongue, along his cheeks, the roof of his mouth, and then touching his throat.

Rin only takes in about half, deeming it enough, hand on the rest of it. He sucks lightly before shifting into something much stronger, cheeks going hollow. That really gets the man grunting. Rin would smirk if he could but he can't, so he instead let's his teeth gently come into contact with the shaft, waiting for a reaction.

The hand in his hair tightens painfully and Rin has to swallow, cum on his tongue and down his throat. That's fast. Probably the fastest job he's ever done. Leave it to an old man to cum within a minute. Rin pulls back and let's go, hand releasing his hair. He looks up.

The man's face is bright red and he's panting as if he's had to run up a flight of stairs. It's pretty hilarious looking. He yanks up his underwear and trousers and starts to dig around in his pockets.

"Let's get a taxi. There's this hotel, I know the owner, and he'll make sure to keep it hush-hush."

What? Rin can't believe this guy thinks he's just going to go with him. "No," Rin says. He stands and watches as a wallet is taken out and a crisp one hundred dollar bill is held up.

"Will this persuade you?"

As if a small amount of cash is going to convince Rin to get fucked by some old guy. Rin would like to spit in this guy's face, but instead spits on the floor in front of him. "Fuck you," he says and makes a swift exit, pulling out his headphones and jamming them back into his ears.

Rin starts up a jog once outside that turns into a full on sprint. He wishes he still had his hair in a ponytail.

* * *

><p>It's Saturday morning when Rin gets a knock on his apartment door. He had been doing his indoor morning workout, black tank top damp with perspiration, sweatpants low on his hips. He wants to ignore the person, hope that they go away. Who is even bothering him on a Saturday morning? Perhaps one of the other people in the building has a complaint about something or other.<p>

The knocking continues, louder this time. Rin heaves a giant sigh and gives in. He might as well. He walks out of his bedroom, through the kitchen, and to the door that's next to his refrigerator. Unfortunately there's no convenient peephole so he has to physically open the door to find out who it is.

Rin grabs the knob, turns it, and pulls open the door. Standing on the other side is Sousuke. He gives a warm smile at Rin, who promptly slams the door closed.

It takes him only a second before he's crying, fat tears bubbling at the corners of his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He watches them plop onto the ugly faded linoleum floor. He takes in a shaking breath that turns into a sob and throws open the door again. Sousuke is still standing there, looking a little dumbfounded. But Rin can hardly see him because of all the damn tears and so he steps forward blindly, arms reaching out and hands grabbing onto Sousuke's jacket. Why is he wearing a jacket? It's fucking hot outside, the idiot. Rin rests his head against Sousuke's chest and starts to cry harder, not able to hold himself back.

Sousuke brings his arms around Rin and into a firm hug. "Surprise," Sousuke mumbles against the top of Rin's head, nestling his face in his hair. He lets Rin cry for a long as he wants, which turns out to be several minutes. The air conditioning of the apartment is gradually being replaced with heat through the open door but Rin doesn't care. Sousuke is _here_. Finally here.

Rin dries his wet face with Sousuke's jacket and finally takes a step back. He meets his friend's eyes and they look exactly the same as he remembers, all aqua and full of light. Rin takes a hold of him and pulls Sousuke through the doorway. Sousuke shuts the door behind himself and smiles again. A silence stretches between them and Rin doesn't let go of the jacket. If he does, Sousuke might just leave.

"I was just doing job research for Australia. And attempting to learn some English," Sousuke offers, as if that alone will make Rin forgive his absence.

"Do you know how fucking _long_ I waited-"

"I love you, you know."

Rin blinks, mouth open, because _no_, he didn't know this, didn't think Sousuke cared about him more than just being his best friend. His heart gives a stinging beat and Rin takes another step back, letting go of him, feeling his eyes prick with fresh tears because he hadn't been expecting _this_.

"Dammit, Sousuke."

"I think I've always loved you," Sousuke says before Rin has a chance to get out anything else. And it's weird. Rin doesn't feel surprised about _that_. He wants to tell Sousuke that he has come to love the idiot too, but he's choking on air and tears are once again smudging his vision and so he squeezes them shut and hangs his head.

All this time. So much wasted time. Or maybe it hadn't been wasted. Maybe being best friends had been, _is_, one of the greatest things to happen to Rin besides meeting Haru and besides coming to Australia.

Sousuke says he loves him again, this time in strained English and Rin wants to slap his stupid handsome face, he doesn't even know _why_, but he doesn't do that. He reclaims the steps he had taken and kisses Sousuke, gives him the kiss that Rin wishes he would have saved to be his first but it doesn't matter anymore. Sousuke's lips are smooth and they feel wonderful against his own. It might be spoiled by his salty tears but Sousuke doesn't seem to mind. He brings Rin in again, closer to himself this time, pressing their chests together and Rin can't _breathe_.

But he drags air in through his nose as best he can because he doesn't want to stop kissing Sousuke, not now, not when he finally has him here, _physically_ here. Rin wants to stop crying because he's sure he looks like a mess, as well as smells like sweat, but he can't be bothered to try to stop. Sousuke opens their mouths and slides his tongue along Rin's teeth before dipping it in, catching Rin's own and Rin whines, the sound escaping him only to be trapped by Sousuke.

And then Sousuke is parting them, moving away much too soon to say, "Rin, we should talk." Fuck him, Rin doesn't _want_ to talk. He wants to keep kissing Sousuke. But the taller man isn't having any of that. He takes Rin's hands into his own and leads him farther into the apartment, easily finding the bedroom. Sousuke sits on the bed, kicking off his shoes and looking right at home.

Rin takes a seat as well, pinning Sousuke with a hard glare. Nothing is more important than kissing, right now. Sousuke lifts a hand and thumbs up the tear tracks on Rin's cheeks.

"What have you been up to, while I've been gone?" Sousuke asks, making casual conversation. Rin bats the hand on his face away and replaces it with his own. What's he been up to? That's an easy question to answer. But Rin doesn't feel like answering so he stays quiet. "I'm not gonna be mad or anything," Sousuke adds.

"What are you implying?" Rin punches Sousuke in the shoulder, not very hard of course, and not in his bad shoulder. He wonders how that's doing. Sousuke never would talk much about it in his texts and calls.

"I'm not implying anything. What do you think I mean?" Sousuke catches his eyes and Rin feels a blush spread over his face. He bites at his lip, darting his gaze to the floor, to the bare walls, to his desk, anywhere but at Sousuke.

There's something tugging at his chest from inside, something beating at his brain, telling him to reveal it. Explain to Sousuke just what he's been doing all this time, this past year. It's going to be embarrassing, no doubt, but it's something he should tell him. Rin can keep a secret, but not from Sousuke. He can keep one from anyone _but_ Sousuke.

"I might have… fooled around a bit," Rin forces out.

"You're cute when you're shy," Sousuke comments and Rin grabs a pillow and whips it at him. It hits Sousuke in the face and when it falls into his lap he's smiling, looking great as usual.

"I'm not cute, dammit! I've been sucking guys off like it's a hobby." And well, did he really just say that? He did. Rin snaps his mouth shut with a harsh click of his teeth and assumes the fetal position. He really can't believe he just said that. Now Sousuke is going to think he's some disgusting slut, or worse-

"Oh? That's all?" Sousuke asks, like it's no big deal. Rin uncurls himself and chances a look at Sousuke, who's still smiling like a dope. Rin sits up, back against the wall, knees up to his chest.

"Yeah," he says, "that's it."

Sousuke repositions himself so that he's sitting next to Rin, pressed snug to his side. He still has on the jacket, and Rin is sure his own clothes reek, but he doesn't care right now. It's just a passing thought that's gone a second later.

"Why only that?" Sousuke asks, only softer this time.

Rin wants to tell him. Even if he'll be made fun of by the person he trusts and loves most, he'll still tell him. "Maybe because I want you to be my first," Rin whispers, as if it's a wish he's saying at 11:11, at a shooting star. He waits, then, for a reply.

There isn't a verbal reply, but Sousuke leans over and presses a kiss to Rin's red cheek, and then he's touching his jaw and turning his head to meet his lips, and this time the kiss is sweeter, somehow, and Rin doesn't know _how_ but it is. Then Sousuke is stopping them, hand falling from Rin's face to his knees, flattening his legs so that he can put his own over top. He hovers over Rin, angle a bit awkward. He brings his face close, their noses almost touching.

"I was waiting, too. Although I didn't start up a dick-sucking hobby," Sousuke teases and Rin pouts, lifting up a knee and knocking it into Sousuke's stomach lightly. "Rin," Sousuke says and it has Rin holding his look, because it's suddenly more serious. "I love you," is all he says, once again, and Rin has to look away, back sliding down the wall until he's flat on the bed, hands over his face.

Why does Sousuke have to be so mushy and shit? Rin is highly embarrassed but he also likes it. He likes it a lot but like hell he's going to tell Sousuke that. He opts to say, "Shut up, I know that already!"

Sousuke just lets out a huff of laughter and moves Rin's hands out of the way. Rin doesn't want to know what he looks like now. Probably more of a mess. Sousuke traps his head between his forearms, and again Rin wants to ask about his shoulder, how it's doing, but Sousuke is kissing him for the third time and it's hotter, more intense. It has Rin closing his eyes, humming contently because this is something he could get used to, something he _wants_ to get used to. Something he cares about.

Bringing himself down, Sousuke settles comfortably on top of Rin, bodies close together. And Rin wants to keep Sousuke like this, right here, wants to keep kissing him for as long as he can. But he can't because Sousuke lifts his head too far away, that serious look crossing his face again. Rin is going to make a retort, but is stopped by Sousuke's voice.

"Rin," Sousuke says his name and then there's a strong hand at his waist, fingers dipping into his sweatpants and then stopping. Sousuke doesn't say anymore but Rin knows exactly what he wants to do. And he wants to do it too, because he's been waiting for this for a long time now. Maybe he's cared too _much_ about saving himself but in the end, it feels right. It feel _good._

Rin gives a firm nod of his head, determined now, though still blushing. Sousuke shows him a beautiful smile that Rin wants to save, keep it in his pocket for rainy days or when he needs it most. Sousuke sits back, then. He looks down at Rin, eyes gone dark, but dark with want and probably love. Rin feels his heart beat a little faster. Sousuke had been right that time; he is a romantic.

Finally, Sousuke shrugs off his jacket. He drops it on the floor and goes for his shirt next. Rin watches intently. He's always been a fan of Sousuke's body. Possibly even more so now. He's missed seeing that large expansion of muscle in person, bumps and ridges catching the light like they're the star of the show.

Rin lifts himself enough to pull off his tank top, happy to be rid of it. As soon as it's out of his grasp Sousuke is close again, this time lowering his head to lick a long line from Rin's neck to his chest. He tongues at a nipple before sucking it, causing Rin to flinch, not expecting it. When he bites it, Rin feels a shiver skitter up his spine and has to slap a hand over his mouth.

Sousuke swiftly takes his hand and moves it away. He stops and says, "Don't try to keep quiet." Then he goes further down, tongue making a wet path over his abdominals, dipping into his navel. Once he gets to the elastic of Rin's pants he stops. Rin watches him grip the top and slide them down, freeing his legs before chucking the article behind him. He isn't wearing anything underneath. Rin has a sense of insecurity pass over him, but when Sousuke holds him down with a heated stare it's gone, replaced by a sort of pride.

And he's expecting Sousuke to say something, to call him hot or pretty or anything like that, but Sousuke doesn't. Instead, he kneads his hands into Rin's thighs, brings his face down to them. Small nips and kisses are placed around, and it tickles. Rin doesn't want to laugh but there's a smile on his lips that he can't hold back.

With careful hands, Sousuke opens up Rin's legs wider, causing his left to slip off the side of the bed. But Sousuke is moving it back up, letting it rest against his bad shoulder. Which can't still be hurting him, can it? Rin is going to say something, but Sousuke shakes his head. "It's fine," is all he says about, and the words fan over Rin's inner thighs. And then he shifts, back straightening, still propping Rin's leg up while the other stays on the bed. "Touch yourself," he says. "I want to watch." And of _course_ he does.

Rin chews at his bottom lip, embarrassment building in his chest as he reaches his hand down, lets it wrap around his cock. Why does Sousuke want to watch him? Watching someone jerk off isn't that interesting. Rin focuses on below Sousuke's face, not able to hold his look. Would it have been different, if Rin would have just told Sousuke how much he cared about him in the first place? Would they be doing this, or would they have already done this?

"Rin." Rin flicks his eyes up at hearing his name. "What are you thinking about?" Wouldn't he like to know? Rin stays quiet, letting his hand thumb over the head before tracing over the ridge, hard now, because it is difficult not to be with Sousuke over him, staring at him as if he is going to eat him at any second.

Sousuke puts the leg on his shoulder down and gets off the bed. Rin raises an eyebrow at him, wondering what he's doing. Sousuke goes to his desk and opens a few drawers, looking around. He finds an almost empty bottle of lube and chucks it at the bed. It hits Rin's foot. Sousuke continues his search. "What else you looking for?" Rin asks.

"Have any condoms?"

"No." Because why would he? "I told you, I haven't done this with anyone before…"

Sousuke reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, because he's still in his pants, the bastard, and takes out his wallet. Rin is reminded of the last time he decided it was a good idea to suck someone off, but Sousuke doesn't take out any money, only brings out a condom. He holds it up, between his fingers and gives Rin a light smile. Rin wants to ask why he has one, but doesn't bother with it. Sousuke finally takes off his pants and boxers and comes back over to the bed.

Rin lets go of himself, watching Sousuke set down the square and instead pick up the bottle and read it over. A look farther down shows that he's hard, which Rin isn't expecting, and quite big, something Rin already knew. He'd never seen Sousuke with an erection before and Rin wants to suck him off, to make it so that Sousuke is the only one he's going to be putting his mouth on from now on.

But Sousuke is clicking open the cap, the sound loud in the quiet room. He holds it upside-down and shakes it, the clear gel falling to the top. Rin knows he should have bought a new bottle days ago. Sousuke squeezes it and lets some into his hand. He rubs it into his fingers and then is looking at Rin, into his eyes. He lets go of the bottle and gets closer, wet hand sliding down his flushed cock, past his balls, and between his ass cheeks. Sousuke holds a finger against his hole, waiting. Waiting for what, Rin doesn't know.

"Have you done _this_ before?"

Rin wants to laugh, because really, who does Sousuke think Rin is, exactly? "Yeah," Rin breathes, keeping it simple so that they can get on with it quicker. Sousuke gives him a confirmation nod and lets his middle finger push in, and it goes easy, so he adds another. Rin lets his hands gather the blanket below him. This feeling isn't new, but _Sousuke_ is the one doing it to him, staring at him so intently, that it somehow seems new, in a way.

He's slow, so slow with working Rin open. There's an itch, somewhere in him, and Rin grits his teeth, a low moan getting stuck in his throat as Sousuke pushes in a third, and this time it's a tighter stretch, but Rin likes it. And then Sousuke pushes in as far as he can and curls them, and that has Rin letting out a gasp that bleeds into a whine because _fuck_ that felt good. Sousuke gives an assumed little hum and does it again, gentler this time, and Rin turns his head to the side, panting, because it isn't enough and he doesn't like being teased.

Sousuke plays with him a little while longer, able to get Rin's cock leaking just from stretching him wide, and Rin should feel embarrassed, but he doesn't because Sousuke is saying he loves him, again in that stupid horrible English and Rin thinks he might start crying because of it. But he steels himself, determined to keep his composure.

Pulling his fingers out, Sousuke finds the condom and tears it open. He rolls it onto his cock and uses up the rest of the lube in the bottle. It hits the floor with a dull bounce and Rin takes in a deep breath. Sousuke lifts his legs and puts them on his hips, Rin holding on, dragging him closer. Sousuke bends Rin somewhat, lifting his ass and bringing his face right up to Rin's. As he pushes in, he kisses Rin, swallowing down the moan that is let out.

Rin turns his head away to pull in a shaky inhale, feeling how Sousuke doesn't stop until he's all the way in. He nuzzles against Rin's face, murmuring something that Rin can't catch because his ears are ringing at how it feels to actually have a cock in him, to have _Sousuke _in him.

"You okay?" Sousuke asks, louder this time, and Rin blinks, feeling a few tears come free of his lashes.

"Yes," he says, because he is. There's only a light throbbing that disperses as Sousuke pulls out, then slides back in at a pace that's far too slow. Rin lets go of the blanket and laces his hands together behind Sousuke's neck. He tugs him down so he can kiss him again, this time open mouthed. Rin pants into Sousuke's mouth, laps at his tongue with his own and feels more than hears when Sousuke groans. It's a deep sound and it has Rin bucking his hips, cock grinding into Sousuke's stomach.

Sousuke keeps his agonizing slow push and pull, driving Rin mad because this, too, is a sort of teasing and he needs more than just this. Rin digs his nails into Sousuke's neck. "More," he hisses out, dragging his tongue along Sousuke's lips. Sousuke tries to bite it, but Rin is fast to pull it away.

He doesn't change anything, though, so Rin squeezes his ass muscles as hard as he can, and _that_ gets a nice reaction. Sousuke huffs through his nose and stills. For a moment, Rin thinks he's going to just stop, but then the next push in is rougher, reaching deeper and _yes_, that's what Rin wants. More pressure, more drag against his insides. Sousuke does it again, although he's still being slow.

"Stop teasing, dammit," Rin says, knocking his forehead into Sousuke's and staring into his eyes, attempting to glare but it doesn't translate well on his face. Sousuke smiles, kissing him again and giving Rin half of what he wants. Rin is pushed down harder into the bed, Sousuke driving his cock with more force, more speed, and Rin squeezes his eyes shut, a few shots of pleasure spinning low in his stomach. Sousuke grabs his hips lightly, even though Rin wants there to be bruises when this is over.

There's a change, then, in the way Sousuke is fucking him. It isn't as fluid anymore, but there's an upward sort of grind now, and Rin finds himself biting down on Sousuke's lip, hard, because holy _shit_ it's good, that feeling. He goes for his cock, holding the base tight because he doesn't want to cum just yet.

Sousuke releases his mouth, their exhales mixing. There's drool sliding down the side of Rin's mouth and Sousuke licks it up before moving back just enough so he can see all of Rin's face. Rin opens his eyes and Sousuke hits that spot again, causing him to cry out. Even trying to hold off his orgasm, Rin is starting to slip. His hand lets go and then Sousuke's is there, taking a hold of his cock and jerking him in hurried tugs that match the canter of his hips.

Rin arches his back sharply, chest knocking into Sousuke's and he sobs as he cums, tensing at how amazing it feels sparking up his spine and jolting down his legs. Sousuke calls him beautiful, but Rin barely hears it. The thrusts slow, then, and Sousuke bites at his exposed neck, grunting as he releases. The weight on his chest gets heavier as Sousuke settles against him.

The sweat on their skin is cooling, Rin thankful for having air conditioning. Still, Sousuke above him is warm, so he unravels his legs and gives a push at the man. Sousuke slides and out and lays on his back next to Rin. He takes off the condom and ties it, and looks like he's going to throw that as well, but Rin takes it from him and sets it in bedside waste bin.

"I'm sorry," Sousuke says, and Rin doesn't know what he's apologizing for. "I should have told you I was planning on moving here."

Rin turns on his side and looks at him, not expecting that. "Does that mean you found a job?"

"More like I'm going to help coach at one of your rival schools," Sousuke says, and it's with a smirk that has Rin growling.

"No matter who you coach, I'll always be better than them," and Rin doesn't know why he's saying it, only that he feels the need to give some retort. Sousuke just laughs and reaches out an arm. Rin is pulled flush against him. "Don't say you love me again," Rin adds.

"Why not?"

"Because." Rin feels a new blush rise to his cheeks and he hates it. He buries his face into Sousuke's chest.

"Hmm," Sousuke breathes out against his hair, "only if you say it to me."

"I love you, idiot," Rin mumbles against him, in hopes of shutting him up and because he hadn't said it out loud yet. Sousuke seems pleased.

"So, when are you going to show me how good you've gotten at blowjobs?"

"You're a pervert."

"Ah, I don't think you have the right to say that."

This time, Rin brings a fist down against Sousuke's bad shoulder, but it doesn't effect Sousuke. He only pulls Rin in closer, arm locking them together.

"I'll show you later," Rin says, so quiet he's sure Sousuke doesn't hear him. But it seems Sousuke does because he presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"I'm looking forward to it."


End file.
